Yep......I know....you thought I'd just decided to dump you didn't you?....well...I have been busy.....working..running...traveling...taking care of kids.......well...LIVING LIFE!
I can say without a doubt I am probably different and better in many ways since the last time I did this.....I have found a freedom in living this life I have and even though it isn't everything I want....it is blessed way more than I will ever deserve...... ...My children are growing up....it is wonderful and at the same time it is sad....sad that I can't look into those eyes every day and feel those chubby little hands wrapped around my neck or holding mine to cross the street or stand in line at the store....I remember getting tired of reading stories at night...I wanted to read my own stories...but now...I wish I had a moment to sit with them on my lap and hear their questions and feel the warmth of soft innocent skin next to me...and smell the scent of fresh clean boy smells..........for some reason we take so much for granted when it is sitting before us.....why do we do that?.....I don't know...but...I think it is human nature...maybe if we did feel all of that at the time...we might not let go......and that is what we are for afterall....we are here to let go......
The reason for all of this is a multitude of things....My youngest is 17 today.....he is tall like his father and talkative and impulsive like his mom.....He hugs me with a strength that I never knew he could possess and I watch his eyes sparkle with laughter and life...he makes our family interesting.....and brings a spice to it that can never be replaced.......
His brother is off to college ...we left each other today after a wonderful trip to the beach....it was rainy and dull...but the waves crashed against the pier and the birds flew over looking for food ....the mist and the cold whipped us around...but there is nothing like it to any of us...we picked up seashells and walked the miles we could when it wasn't raining.....I see God's hand everywhere when I am there and I soak it up like a sponge....the feeling is peace and appreciation for all that I have......most of all for the two that have the best of the two people who are priveleged to call them our children......one of those is gone now...but I hope he can see that the youngest has his hands and the oldest has his gentle spirit......they are both a mixture of both of us making them individuals in their own right.......as we get ready to leave ....I am surprised to see the two hug and laugh at each other and hug again....they miss being together and it shows at times like this........maybe their mom couldn't be there then...but she is here now.....and the results is two almost grown men who love each other and will be there for life.......what more could a mother ask for......I can't think of a thing...
ok...enough of that....
I am thinking......I need to get my butt up and run.....and I will....the sequel to this ...tomorrow.....
Night night.....and fantastical dreams to all!
No comments:
Post a Comment