I have been at work today....long day ......
I am writing to write I guess.....mainly just need to sort a few thoughts out...and since I cannot really think of how to do that...I have chosen this avenue.....................all of this is probably a little too personal...but too bad.....just shoot me if it is....
anyway.......ya know how sometimes you think you know people...but really you don't........i find that very disconcerting.... today one of the docs and I were doing a procedure...and I made some comment to him that was pretty benign I thought.....he says...'patti, that is what i like about you.....I always know where I stand.....' and I think..yes.....because that is how I want to be treated....even if it is not pleasant....I want to know what is real...and what is not......
I gave my niece the book...'the velveteen rabbit'....that is all about being 'real'....................I like real.......I like real people....so what makes me think I can deal with a facade......I don't know.......cause it goes against everything i believe in....................
over the last few years....I have reevaluated what I believe.....I have found that I am who I knew from the beginning.....so....I have come full circle ...back to the me that was.......and she is ok......I have added people and a new thoughts and places and found a better person......one that is 'real'........she is battered and older.....she has fought the sadness of death, tears and loneliness.........she has learned to give after years of selfish pity.......and most of all she has grown more compassionate.....the pain of loss......has added a new dimension to me......one that has made me stronger in a way I never thought ......
No comments:
Post a Comment